Even in this
Just recently, I had a conversation with one of my friends about our parents and how we are dealing with their current diagnosis. Both of our parents are suffering from Dementia, which is a horrible disease that affects their memory. It was refreshing to speak to someone, (outside of family) who is going through the same process that I’m going through. We were able to laugh about our experiences, be open about our pain, and share what was really on our heart.
In the middle of our conversation, my friend said, “I don’t understand why my father has this terrible disease. He was/is a good man, and THIS is his end. THIS!! I could relate. When my mother was diagnosed in 2014, I remember being so mad at God. My mother was/is a good woman and has done so much for so many people. For the life of me, I didn’t understand why this would be her final sentence before she left this earth. Dementia has taken her memory, ability to do day to day activities, some of her vocabulary, and a lot of self-care skills. It hurts me every time she says, “I just wish you knew what was going on in my mind. It’s like I’m going crazy. But, I’m not crazy, right? I want to be better. I want to remember.” I’ve watched my mother decline rapidly, and, for the life of me, I can’t articulate what it’s done to me emotionally for the last four years. As we walk this journey, I’ve come to accept that Dementia will take everything from my mom, BUT her love of God.
Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.
Job was a man that trusted God. As much as he loved God, he still had a difficult life. He lost everything. Even though he lost everything and went through every human emotion, he STILL trusted God. In the end, God didn’t restore what Job lost because he was good, He restored everything because he trusted Him.
What are you going through right now that is making your faith waver? Someone reading this may have lost a loved one, is in debt and is about to lose everything, just received an awful diagnosis, recently got fired, has a failed business, just received a foreclosure notice, is on the brink of divorce, is not speaking to a family member, suffering silently, etc. Just because you’re going through these things doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love you and that He’s not good. Your circumstances don’t determine the depth of God’s love for you. He loves you unconditionally.
God is not punishing you, whatever is happening to you is for Him to get the glory. Even when I have moments when I feel like I’m breaking, and I can’t see God in my circumstances, I’m reminded that He’s faithful. I lift my eyes up and trust Him. Yes, my mom is suffering, but that doesn’t mean that God is not good.
He is good, and He’s using me and my voice to proclaim His faithfulness and goodness…
Even if it does not look good right now.
Even if my mom isn’t healed from Dementia.
Even if she forgets my name.
Even if she can’t find the words to speak.
Even if she doesn’t remember.
Even if…
He’s still good.